Thursday, June 25, 2009

Still crazy after all these years...

I'd like to say I'm astonished, surprised, or even just miffed, but it wouldn't be true.
My father is here visiting and this morning he did something that in the grander scheme of things is barely out of the ordinary for him. He has spent a lifetime being self-centered, disdaining any rules that violate HIS sense of right and wrong, and having even greater disdain for any person who feels that there should be boundaries.
The thing that really needs to be stated is that he is staying at my home, however dinky this apartment might be. My home = my rules, that was how it worked when I was in his home. I can deal with some of his eccentricities, including his disregard for sanitation when it comes to leaving food uncovered in the kitchen (guess he never heard of bugs in all the years he lived in NYC). Today was a whole new level of gross. 80 years old and still does not understand that common courtesy and respect for others are neither fascistic nor tyrannical.
So, I spent another day in school as though my school year has not already ended. Avoidance behaviors begin almost the moment that I arrive at Angeles Mesa. Instead of packing the last two boxes of miscellaneous classroom stuff, I emptied my art closet to rearrange it and brought in several reams of paper to make my journals for fall's new students.
The entire time, I thought about being home and knitting in my hammock, or some card making, or maybe just an extended nap. But home is not my home until next Tuesday when we put him on an airplane to go back to his home.
The Little Princess was once my very favorite book. Sara Crewe was her daddy's little princess, a plot point that could only be fantasy for me. I've always wanted that Hollywood-style, romanticized image of the father daughter relationship. And even after all these years, it's hard to reconcile myself to the fact that at best we can have a pleasant breakfast together.